I have friends, family, boyfriend, other friends, old friends, ex-boyfriends, distant family, new friends and a dog but every so often I feel lonely. Inexplicably lonely in such a deep, permeating way.
Do you know how your ears ring after a loud concert and every sound seems like it's coming through from miles away? It's like that, but it's not just my ears ringing- it's my whole body, all of me ringing and everyone else is miles away, even if they're right there. A real connection is impossible.
This, sometimes, is countered by a strong, overwhelming feeling of connection. Connection through something that has been said to separate people and undermine meaningful communication- the internet. Some things, like this and this reach through the nothing, through the screen and I feel like I'm with a friend. The kind of friend who is so close, they may as well be another part of yourself. It's through pain, but also through joy that I find these people I don't even know to be just like me. I want to comfort them and laugh with them and take them out to Indian food just to talk. I find a mysterious love for someone even though I don't know their name or anything about them. And we're together for just a short time.
I have a longing to meet them for real. And to share something in return, so we can be friends connected by nothing.
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