So this evening my boyfriend fell asleep while watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer and I figure that since he has to wake up at 5 am to fart at the sun as it rises each morning I can let him sleep. Usually, I am all too happy to fall asleep and dream about being a waitress who is unable to stop spinning as I serve creme puffs with my bare hands (TRUE STORY), but not tonight. Tonight, Evan is snoring like a hive of bees singing Carmina Burana from inside an elephant's trunk as the elephant chokes on pond water. It's got that nice gurgle of mucus bubbles flapping and everything.
At some points his breath wanes to "I think he's dead" only to rise back up again as the bees are buzzing "OOO FORTUNAAAA" loud enough to drown out the fans at the World Cup. He's blaming it on the fact that the Willamette valley currently has the highest pollen count IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD and I'm blaming it on the fact that he played Dungeons and Dragons today and breathing like a fat kid is just a side-effect of eating five bags of chips and six Mountain Dews in four hours.
Follow this with the occasional snorted word (the last one was "sewer poles" I think) and I know I'm not sleeping tonight.
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