June

There's something about Spring in the Northwest that is like a life raft. Through all the months and months of rain and clouds... The rain falls in that Spring fashion, pouring and drowning and washing away before the clouds finally break like a dam, bringing in the Spring.
The effect is immediate and apparent. Flowers clamor to bloom first, bare arms and legs gleam in the light with Summer almost kissing away the pale. People emerge from their shelter, peering into the light, their souls fluttering awake at this glimpse of life. The sun brings us back to ourselves, activates us.
Spring in the Northwest makes me see just why the ancient cultures worshiped the sun, and I begin to wonder why we ever stopped.

My hands :: A poem

my hands
fascinate me

fingers long and thin like
bones
strings of a harp or wind chimes
floating
at the end of my palm with
stuff
stuck under the nails

pale
like my great-grandmother's hands
though hers are soft and old
mine are young, like spiders

my hands are strong

my hands have had many battles
and are scarred
there is even a finger i can't feel
and sometimes i miss it

my hands are maps
some say they could see my future
but i know they can tell my past
and it is from the past the future is made
it is from hands the future is made

i am my hands
they flicker and grasp
they fumble
twist
twirl
reach
pop
stretch
hit
touch
hold

my hands
fascinate me

Here to There

Moving is always one of those events that makes one realize just how many material things one has. Over the years you just keep compiling more and more things- sometimes they hold sentimental value and sometimes it seems like a good idea to have X item but eventually that sentiment or that usefulness fades and you're left with a heap of things you really have no use for.
In short:
I have a lot of shit.

Fortunately, I was forced to pack most of it up into storage and am currently living out of about three boxes in a room that has only very recently become mine. It's a good situation, overall. I needed out of that silly little town anyway and- well hey! Would you look at that. I suppose I found my silver lining after all! Maybe I had to move out of my house and maybe that lent itself considerably to my stress, but I don't live in that silly town anymore!
Ha!
Silver lining indeed!
:)

Either slow down, speed up or get out of the way

You know how you can look back on your life and pinpoint the good phases, the great phases and the not-so-great phases? You see the bad ones and go, "Whoa! What was I thinking? Glad I'm not there anymore!" Well, I'm in the midst of one of those bad phases, made all the worse by the fact that I know I'm in one :/
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm through with this phase of my life. This town hasn't been good for me. I don't like to admit it because it seems sad to say out loud, but high school was a very good time for me. I had a lot going on. Great school, great friends, great job. Now? I like school ok, I have a decent job and fewer real friends than I'd like. I tried to make nice, but I don't make friends like everyone else- I'm not a big college party animal. Due to my introverted nature, I tend to feel... off at parties. I can enjoy the company of every person in the room individually, but when we're all together I feel small and misfitted and like I'm just... doing it wrong.
I realize that in this blog I always try to see the good in a situation- to turn a bad day into a learning experience. I've got hope that it'll happen, but right now? All I have is cloud.
I'll let you know when I find the silver lining.